


Rebound after rebound

by Wolfkyunnie



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Diary of Yoo Kihyun, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 12:42:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20389876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfkyunnie/pseuds/Wolfkyunnie
Summary: Feelings can put you in a pickle am I right or am I right? Sometimes they are the most inconvenient thing in the world and sometimes the most heart-fluttering nuisance. Here’s me, Yoo Kihyun, with no experience of a girlfriend or boyfriend, no experience of a kiss and no experience of warmthness.All until Kihyun meets Hoseok





	Rebound after rebound

Feelings can put you in a pickle am I right or am I right? Sometimes they are the most inconvenient thing in the world and sometimes the most heart-fluttering nuisance. Here’s me, Yoo Kihyun, with no experience of a girlfriend or boyfriend, no experience of a kiss and no experience of warmthness.

Each one of my crushes has been a heartbreaking experience and not because they didn’t reciprocate the same feelings as me, but because they all happened as a consequence of each other- like a basketball rebound off a hoop.

2 years of misery childish feelings for Chae Hyungwon. 3 years of repeated pestering Im Changkyun. 6 months of adorable Lee Hoseok. And last but not the least 8 months of taken Lee Minhyuk.

And do you know what’s hilarious? It’s been 4 years since college, 4 years of moving on and the only one I’m in contact with is Hoseok. 

The others have seemed to have vanished from the radar, not one call and not one message- poof they’re gone. Good Riddance I guess. Now that I think about it, Hyungwon was nice but back then because he was my first crush, I fell into the assumption that it was love. That was the first time I felt like when he talked to me, it felt really manly and very mature.

Confession.

You must be wondering how I must have told him this right? It was quite simple and basic, I wrote him a letter and put it inside his tray. Childish right? I didn’t see his reaction, but it did create a big gossip around our year group and everyone knew about it. I know, I know stupid me ugg. And you know what’s worse? Our end of year leavers assembly was coming up and everyone was making grand preparations for them. I was in a group and our act decided to sing and dance to Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me”, the most embarrassing thing ever because every time he’d be there and it was like I was singing to him.

“Sing with passion, look who’s here! Come on you can do it!`` whispered Hyunwoo. 

Now let’s advance to Im Changkyun, the smarty pants who took me off my feet in 9th grade and was my crush rebound for Hyungwon. Changkyun was very oblivious of my feelings so it was very easy for him to trample over them. Let’s just say I might have confessed about 3 times in the last two years of the three years that I have liked him.

Of course, I’d say again that it was love but now that I think about it I was super dumb and clung on to him for a long time. Yes, I’d say I was clingy but he was very oblivious and we went on so many ‘dates’ and outings but he just didn’t understand how I felt. I always thought at the back of my head that he knew all along and he was just playing with me and you know passing time. All those late-night talks we had until dawn when we had school the next day was a waste of time.

And then came Sojung. In eleventh grade, I was the one who met her for the first time in the library. She had come from Toronto and we got along so well that we became friends the first week itself. At the same time Sojung and Changkyun did so as well in English class and they would always make jokes with each other, it felt like they were leaving me out. One led to another and its name was jealousy. Changkyun would always hang out with her so then I went to Hyunwoo told him my stupid feelings about how shit I felt that Changkyun would give attention to her and barely talks to me. 

“Why don’t you just meet with Changkyun and tell him how you feel?” Hyunwoo advised.

So that’s what I did. I message Changkyun telling him to meet me at the park near our school at lunch and I walked down thinking about what to tell him.

The Starbucks in the Hive park was actually the go-to place for lunch but that day I didn’t feel like ordering. I could see him enter the building so I got up and led him out.

“Let’s talk outside,” I said.

He nodded and we walked down the pathway admiring the greenery alongside us. 

“You wanted to talk?” He said.

“Changkyun, I like you, like a lot. And I think it’s enough. It’s been so long and I’m sick and tired of this. I just wanted to tell you that I’m moving on and I can’t do this anymore.” I said in a big breath.

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this as well. I hope you know I don’t feel that way towards you.” he sighed. The birds were calm today, normally on a spring day they would be chirping non-stop but today they knew their place. 

“I also want to ask you if there’s something between you and Sojung”

“No there isn’t. We’re just good friends and she’s really awesome”

Lies I told myself. There was no way he could tell a lie and I wouldn’t be able to pick it up. He clearly had feelings for her and he cares for her and I’ve seen it in his eyes when he looks at her.

“Hmm okay then. So that we’re clear, I hope we can still be friends and get this awkwardness between us” I drew the white flag. I had given up on him and on love. 

And so the rebound began. Throughout grade 10 to college, I had witnessed Hoseok be the kindest man ever. He’d treat all the girls like queens and would manage all the events that took place at our school. He was the most charming man ever who played basketball, studied very studiously and was single. Until one day we all found out that he had a girlfriend.

Looking at them made me realise how lonely I was and will be for the rest of my life because I was the kind of man no one would look at; I was gullible, sometimes annoying and clingy and wasn’t very appealing. But whenever Hoseok was with me he would never let me call myself unpretty and would always pat my hair (that would always make my heart go faster).

So time went on and I kept admiring Hoseok till one day I heard that he was single again. At that point, I hadn’t developed my feelings for him yet but he was a really good friend of mine who I could talk to about anyone. Even though I didn’t hang out with him as much, I always cherished the moments when I did.

During grade 10 in business class, we used to always talk about Hyuna and how hot she was and played all her songs whilst planning our essays. I used to even tell him about Changkyun and how much I hated him because he couldn’t reject me properly and always led me on. He gave me sympathy and his girlfriend would always try to cheer me up so honestly, they were the nicest friends I’d found.

When college started Sojung was now one of my closest friends and Hoseok was hers. Sojung and Hoseok were inseparable BFFs and honestly they were so cute because they did everything together from doing assignments to revision to out partying. 

I think it hit me last year of college around March when Hoseok and I started to talk a lot more in Math class again. We would always share answers and help each other because one, I didn’t want to talk to Changkyun in that class and two, everyone else in the class was clueless about what was going on. 

We practiced day in and day out all the possible difficult questions there were in the syllabus until one day I answered mine. 

I knew what I felt about Hoseok so I decided to tell him. It took me a lot of willpower to do this and then one day when we were walking down the hallway I said, “Hey, I want to tell you something. Actually, I like you and I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a while”

Hoseok wore those caring eyes and looked at me. He went “Awee” and patted my head like he always does.

“That’s so cute of you.” He said

We turned right from the corridor and exited the building to head towards the courtyard. I was glad I told him this because not a lot of people were around at this time since they were stuck in class.

I took the chance and the opportunity like I always did so that I would never regret it.

“Actually, I’m not looking for a relationship. I think they’ve always been so troublesome and the last one ended not so well. We argued a lot and perhaps I just need some time to think to myself. I don’t know why I can never preserve good relationships. I'm better with just having friends and my ex-girlfriend is a perfect example of that.” Hoseok explained.

“Ah, I totally understand”

No, I didn’t actually.

“I’m just glad I told you. Whenever I do have crushes, I always tell them so I don’t regret. So I’m glad I told you.”

And this was sincere. I was always sincere with Hoseok. I’d always tell him all my inner feelings and he would understand me. Well, he was the understanding one and I’m the foolish one.

“I’m glad you told me too, cutie. Don’t worry you’ll probably get over me soon”

And I did. Come the last exams for college, my feelings had disappeared and I was more focused on getting good grades so that I could get into a good university. 

I wanted to do forensic science so I had to do well in my Chemistry paper otherwise I wouldn’t get in and Hoseok wanted to do biomedicine so he had to get the top grades in Biology. I didn’t do Biology, I hated it to its roots (punny I know) and even though I got decent grades I just didn’t understand a thing.

So summer came and I was on holiday, waiting for my results and seeing if I got the grades to do forensic science. 

MATHS: B

CHEMISTRY: C

PHYSICS: D

I didn’t get an A, B, B so I had failed. Now finding a university to do Maths was my last option. I did well in that subject so I might as well try something to get somewhere. I still wanted to get taught, learn new things and I didn’t mind what it was in. 

Doing Maths opened up so many opportunities for me, in the second year of uni I met 4 amazing friends, Jungkook, Namjoon, Chungha, and Minhyuk and I got my first job.

Actually, my first job and meeting these four happened at the same place- kind of cool huh? I was a mentor for the first years and when they had calculus, that’s when I met them. Namjoon first caught my eye as he was so enthusiastic about his work, he listened diligently to the lecturer and always gave a contribution in class- the ideal student.

Lee Minhyuk was the student who lived on campus whilst the rest of us commuted and so me being curious I would talk to him about how it felt like to live on campus and if it helped him. Since he lived outside the city it deemed him right to move in and avoid the time lost whilst commuting. I would also hold get-togethers and revision sessions to help the four get the best possible grades and this is how we became good friends. Jungkook didn’t know English that well so I would always help him correct his grammar and fluency when he spoke and in return, he would make me delicious food he had been practicing to make. 

How can I forget about Chungha? She is the most organised person I had ever met, just as organised as me! She would create Maths events and tournaments to help our Maths society become well known and even organise a trip to the Museum so that all the classes knew how important Maths was in the war.

It was too bad I was a year older otherwise if we could have been in the same classes then it would have been much more fun. Minhyuk and Namjoon took a gap year otherwise they would have been in the second year as well but they explained that finding a job was more important after college, which I totally understood.

Second-year for me was really tough with deadlines, assignments, and projects which made me focus on myself and making my skills refined rather than thinking about crushes, feelings, and love.

But isn’t that when the unexpected always happens.

I hadn’t contacted Hoseok in about one and a half years but we were still in communication, I often see his snap story and reply with emojis or look at his IG to see where he was and what he was doing. He probably did the same because one day during the Easter break he contacted me to ask how I was doing and if I wanted to meet up with him at Camden Town to which I agreed to.

Now his birthday was just around the corner and I had no idea what to get him so I popped down the high street to see what I could get him. I remember the last time we spent his birthday was in college and I had gotten him a shirt which was on sale and a card because that’s all I need to get him.

This time I thought about making the card for him to show him my artistic side and a customised photo frame so that he can store special memories in it. 

It was D-day and I still remember it clearly. When I saw him it felt like he had lost the glow on his face, he seemed tired and I knew something wasn’t right. It was the right time to give his birthday gift and to try and cheer him up. 

“ Hey. Here you go. Happy Birthday. I hope you had a good one.” I smiled to lighten up the mood.

“Thank you so much! You didn’t have to get me anything”

But Thank God I did. He looked happier and I could see it in his eyes. We grabbed some food in the nearby stalls and went to a high point near Camden Lock to finish our food.

We talked about how we had been, how he had been and what he had been up to. He told me about his ex-girlfriend at uni and how it didn’t work out so now he’s given up on relationships again and how biomedicine is sucking the life out of him. I just thought I was being really nice about not asking why he started dating again but rejected me a few years ago, maybe I wasn’t his type.

He told me that he didn’t contact anyone from college anymore because the others didn’t bother keeping in contact with him. And I agree because I’ve seen how it all went down and poor Hoseok didn’t deserve this. Actually, they don’t deserve Hoseok’s kindness because he’s the one who tried to make outings and socials work and when they didn’t everyone blamed him. 

I wasn’t surprised he started smoking and vaping, to be honest, but I felt so bad for him because I could see him spiral down to the bottom and I know he wasn’t like this.

“Hoseok promise me that you will stop smoking. You know this won’t do any good for you and in fact, you will feel worse about yourself. I know how it feels to be depressed and to smoke but look at me I managed to stop and I hope you can consider what I am saying”

I had started smoking when the pressure of second-year got to me and whenever I had a cigarette it always calmed me down. But then my father found out and I was forced to stop it after a huge argument with the family that happened because of it. I couldn’t entirely stop and it took me a while to figure out how but reducing to twice a week and then once a week really helped.

“I actually have been cutting down. Thank you Kihyun for caring for me”

That’s okay because it’s what friends are for I thought. We promised to meet up again and in a better mind and shape because we wished well for each other.

So back to class and again exams were coming up so I had to start making notes and revising because I needed at least 70% for that year. Minhyuk and I helped each other a lot to revise, well he made me focus on my work and I actually helped him with questions in calculus.

Weeks turned into months and exams are almost over but one thing I realised was that I was catching feelings for Minhyuk. When he’s carefree about life it makes me happy to see him enjoy the little things and he’s so funny that he makes my day. Sometimes our revision sessions consisted of him talking about Taylor Swift and me talking about K-pop and that’s how we became stan twitter friends.

At one point it felt as if he would really reimburse the same feelings as me and that caused me to message him one day telling him how I really felt.

Consequence: He didn’t feel the same way as me and again I was put on the spot to be embarrassed by my deeds. He later told me he has a girlfriend back in town and that he wanted to know why I liked him, so I told him why. Because he was one of a kind, very nice and caring, carefree and respectful. Now that I knew about his girlfriend I couldn’t tell the others because he didn’t want the others to tease him but I call bullshit. I don’t know what was going on in his mind but I was his friend so I kept my promise and didn’t tell a soul.

The winter arrived and my fluttering feelings for Minhyuk vanished with the seasonal warmthness. I still care for him but now I’m back to working hard to finish my last year of university and graduate with a first-class. I worked extra hard to do my best in every project and test hereafter and it worked like a magic charm. It seemed that when I didn’t have a boy on my mind I would do so well in my studies and that fit into my head like a mantra.

Months went by and I lost contact with Minhyuk- actually I haven’t talked to him but we’re on a maths uni group chat where I hardly go on and reply to. He seems to be doing well and I think he’s on holiday right now, enjoying the summer sun somewhere. 

That reminds me Hoseok is going to go on holiday soon too so I contact him and ask when he will leave.

‘Ding’ I hear my phone buzz and see his reply:

H: 3 August. This Saturday. My flight is in the afternoon.

K: Ah how have you been how's uni?

H: Tiring lol. I have so much stuff to remember. It’s taking up so much time. I’m on my placement year and I still have two more years to go.

K: Wow bio-med must be so tiring

H: Yh it is

K: Why don't we meet up. Are you free on Thursday?

H: I finish uni at 5 so I’ll pick you up from the station.

K: Cool then. Cya xx

So on Thursday, I make my way to the station near Hoseok’s university using the directions he gave me as it reduces commuting time- he’s the sweetest, isn’t he? At 5:08 I see him by the entrance and greet him.

”Hi, how have you been?” 

“Hey, I’m good what about you Ki?”

“Good good”

“So let’s walk around for a bit and see what we can find to eat. There are some good places around here so if you’re feeling it we can go there. Ooh and also there has been a change in itinerary cus my parents are gonna come over to my apartment and get my luggage if that’s okay”, Hoseok explained.

To be honest, I wasn’t hungry, I had 2 slices of pizza for lunch but I can’t imagine him. He had the habit of not eating during the day so I nodded for his sake and to feed him.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind I promise”

We walked down the streets and nearby there was covered street lane market with food stalls set up, raw fish on sale and accessories too.

“Hey Ki, can we just go to the small pet store to see some parrots?” 

“Yeah, of course, we can” 

We walked down the market lane and went inside the store to see the birds, hamsters and guinea pigs and they were all so cute.

“Let me take a picture of the love birds. They are so cute!” Hoseok squealed with happiness.

Hoseok got really excited by seeing the pets and took pictures of the love birds and small hamsters.

“Hey Ki, you look like that hamster. It’s so cute and fluffy” Hoseok jokes

I didn’t say anything back and just let him laugh at his joke, he seemed happier than the last time I saw him and it was nice to see him like that. We walked out and headed to a desert place because it was hot and I felt like having a milkshake and he wanted a waffle. In the end, we both got milkshakes and headed to his apartment so he could pack his luggage a little and hide things in his room before his parents arrive.

Upon entering his room the first thing I did was to open the curtains because there was this weird smell but I couldn’t tell Hoseok that haha. We started packing his stuff away and I helped him fold his clothes to put in the suitcase. Suddenly he took out a big bag from the cupboard and put it on top of the cupboard away from anyone's sight. 

“Actually this bag is my friend’s. It has her shit in it, well it has sex toys because she needed to hide them from her parents” He explained. I nodded and carried on folding his clothes while he sorted his books and stationery into a big suitcase.

“There, done. Shall we head out, take the basketball we can head out to the nearby park”

“Ooh, that’s cool. I remember playing basketball with you before when we barely knew each other” I said whilst grabbing the basketball and heading out.

When we got to the park I aimed at the basket to see if my aim was how it was when I played 4 years ago. After a couple of tries, I finally get one inside the hoop and Hoseok starts to clap like crazy, cracking me up I start laughing.

We then changed up the game to play around the world where one player tries to shoot and the other catches the rebound and shoots from the place they caught the ball. If you get the ball in then you start the game again and start to aim from the semi-circle. 

This game didn’t feel new to me because it feels like I have been playing it for quite a while myself, but the only difference is that I feel like I’m in the center circle with Hoseok and I’m about to start a new adventure.

We played for about 10-15 minutes and even involved people on the other side of the court to have a match off but then we had to go because I could tell Hoseok was getting serious in the game so I dragged him away to his apartment to calm him down.

“Why don’t we watch Netflix, pick something while I go wash my face”, Hoseok said dropping the ps4 controller on the bed.

I scrolled down and finally decided to put F.R.I.E.N.D.S on with a side comment of Hoseok saying how indecisive I was. I mean sure I was only there for another hour so I had to put something short. The first episode I put on was ‘The one with the free porn’ and the second one was when Phoebe gives birth.

“Hey Kihyun, when was the first time you watched porn?” Hoseok wondered

“It must have been tenth or ninth grade I’m actually not sure lol. What about you?” 

“ Well, I saw it accidentally because my older sister was watching it and forgot to turn it off.”

“Poor Seokkie” 

We carried on watching the rest of the episode and he brought out his vape which reminded me of the time in Camden. 

“So do you still smoke?”

“No, I gave that up actually. Thanks to you. I just use this and I’ve been lowering the nicotine day by day to help me quit” he explained, pointing to the thing on his hand.

I got near him and poked his stomach whilst admiring him and taking all my willpower not to bend down to kiss him, I took the thing away from his hand to try it, inhaling it in and then back out. On my third attempt, I started to choke and quickly aided my throat to some water thinking I’d never try it again. Hoseok chuckled, patting my head (as usual) and told me to slow down, perhaps laying down and inhaling it was a bad idea. Giving it back to him, I roamed around the room until I spotted something on top of the drawer- it was a stethoscope.

“Do you know how to use this?” I asked him. I know, what a stupid question.

“Of course I do. Let me do the honors” Hoseok said grabbing the stethoscope.

Hoseok put the headset on and used the chest piece to place on my chest. 

“Take a deep breath” 

I took a deep breath and held it. I looked up admired his big stance whilst he was concentrating to pick up my heartbeat. I tried not to panic- notice the word ‘tried’.

“It looks all good Kihyun. From my experience, you’re a healthy lad” 

I sighed, not making it obvious and turned my back, “Thank you for checking me”

  



End file.
